Monday, March 25, 2013

Week 16: sitting, waiting, wishing

3.24.13 Day 105: skin is feeling and looking the same as last week. (No complaints here!) Still taking Atarax at night to ease discomfort (my neck is still bothering me). On another note, I was Baptized today! I have really felt the Lord's presence during some of my lowest points during my withdrawal process. I felt there was no better time then to make my public statement of faith. It was a wonderful day with minimal itchiness :)

3.25.13 Day 106: still the same. Watching my hands healing is like watching grass grow. I SWEAR they are smoother though...

3.26.13 Day 106: In the summer I work at a day camp where we have this wonderful song called Yay/Boo. Here is my yay boo song for the day. "Yay boo, yay boo it's lots of fun to do, If you like it holler Yay! If you don't you holler my legs were clear enough to wear a dress (YAY!), but now the seats on the train are making me itchy...(boo!) Today my hands look much less red! (YAY!), but that may all change by tomorrow (boo!)

3.30.13 Day 112: Ethan and I had a little photo shoot at the park for our graduation announcements. With makeup you could barely tell that I am still withdrawing. :) It felt so good to feel pretty while taking a photo. 

Song of the Week: "I try to catch my breath, it hasn't happened yet. I'm wide awake in the middle of the night, scared to death. So I prayed God, would you make this stop. Father please hold on the me, You're all I've got." - Josh Wilson "Carry Me" 


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Week 14: Here We Go Again...Another Micro Flare

3.10.13 Day 92 - 3.16.13 Day 98 Eyelids (mainly the right one) and face flared. Couldn't fall asleep last night because my chin/neck hurt too much. Hands And forearms burn for quite a bit after a shower or Applying lotion. Fingers have a lot of liquid filled blisters. I'm wondering if this flare could have been stress induced? My car broke down for the last time this weekend and I had to buy a new one (hello car payment!) So bad news - flare up, good news - no longer have to worry about my car overheating at stop lights.

3/11/13 Went to a new doctors office , and spoke to a new physicians assistant. She didn't seem to buy the idea that my red itchy skin was from steroid withdrawal because I never used oral steroids. But she also didn't fight me on the topic after i showed her my pics from a month ago. and gave me a prescription for Atarax to help with the itch at night.

3/12/13 I really fought with myself over whether or not to use the Atarax prescription. Prescription medications are what got me into this mess so I am feeling really hesitant about using anything other than ibuprofen and benedryl. I ended up filling the prescription and the pharmacist assured me that it was nothing to worry about...

3/13/13 Atarax is THE BEST thing ever invented. I normally get into bed and my neck bothers me so much that I have to either constantly rub it or put a blanket under my chin. I had NONE of this last night with the Atarax. This have me the best sleep I have had in months! Even so, I had to take the day off from my internship to sleep since this latest flare is sucking up all of my energy. I also had to take this week off from working out in order to get an extra hour or two of sleep :(

3/16/13 Went home for the night to visit my dad and sister. Finally feeling well enough to have pictures taken!

I have also found that extra large margaritas help with tsw :)

Song of the Week: "These battle scars don't look like their fading, don't look like their ever going away, they ain't never gonna change." Guy Sebastian - Battle Scars

Week 15: Day 100 is Finally Here!

3.17.13 Day 99: Enjoyed some green beers and watched the fountain turn green back home with my Dad and sister (no green beer for Riley). I am starting to believe that my body somehow knows when I want to wear makeup. I really thought about putting some on and my eyelid immediately started I guess no makeup for a little while longer.

3.18.13 DAY 100!!!!!: All the little blisters on my fingers are officially gone and my hands don't look quite as red and wrinkly. Face is still very dry and flaky around my mouth (where I used a lot of steroids). Making it to 100 days has been my big mental goal. I feel like getting to this point means that I have completed a huge part of my withdrawal process. Hopefully the worst is behind me and there will be more good days than bad in my future.

Some other happy things:
-I have officially started switching to all natural homemade cleaning products (baking-soda, white vinegar, etc) and natural soaps (no more antibacterial). Watch the documentary Chemercial of Netflix and you will want to switch too.
- my friend was prescribed a medium/high strength topical steroid for a small dry rash, but after seeing what I am going through, chose NOT to use them. I am so happy that my experience may have prevented someone else from going through the same thing.

3.19.13 Day 101: A big thank you to my brother Chris for giving me tickets to the Andrew McMahon concert! (Andrew McMahon was the lead singer for Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin. You may notice that he is featured on my blog ALL the time). It was AMAZING and a great way to celebrate 100 days steroid free! AND I wore makeup and didn't flare, so hooray!
Ethan and I at the Andrew McMahon concert
We had the best spots hands down

3.20.13 Day 102 - 3.23.13 Day 105: Things are pretty much the same, face is still shedding on and off (haven't worn makeup since Tuesday, don't want to push my luck). I swear my hands are one shade less pink and a lot less wrinkly looking. The creases in my arms are red now and look more like when I had eczema. 

*I threw out my old body wash that would burn my skin if I didn't rinse it off immediately and switched to a natural sea salt soap bar. This stuff is amazing! It doesn't burn (a little from the salt on the cuts on the tops of my hands) and doesn't suck all the moisture out of my skin like normal bars of soap. I will post it on the "things I like" page as soon once I go grocery shopping and can get a picture of the label. 

Song of the Week: "I can't remember when the earth turned slowly, so I just waited with the lights turned out again. I've lost my place but I can't stop this story. I've found my way but until then, I'm only spinning." - Jack's Mannequin "Spinning" 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Week 13: Finally Working Out Again!

3.3.13 Day 85 - 3.9.13 Day 91:

Nothing too major to note about my skin this week. Here is an overview:

  • Started working out again! Now that my skin isn't taking over my life as much, I can now focus more on eating better (cause in the middle of a flare you eat whatever the heck you want to eat) and exercising again. I am definitely ready to loose the little bit of weight I gained these past three months of little to no movement. 
  • Working out during TSW is WEIRD! During cardio, everyone would be dripping sweat and I would be fresh as a daisy other than just a little bit of sweat on my back (does that mean that my back is healed?!). After cardio I did have to fan my self off for a little while before moving on since I couldn't sweat to cool myself off.
  • Not working out for three months and then jumping back in makes you unbelievable SORE. 
  • Overall, working out again was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. 
That was basically my week. 

*Pictures to come (laptop is broken so...)

Song of the Week: "And don't apologize for all the tears you've cried. You've been way to strong now for all your life. I'm gonna get there soon, you're gonna be there too. Cryin' in your room, prayin' Lord come through. We're gonna get there soon." - Mat Kearney, Closer to Love

Week 12: 3 Months Down! Finally feeling hopeful

2.24.13 Day 78 - 3.2.13 Day 84: There really is not a lot to talk about since this week has been a lot of the same. Hands are still pink and wrinkly. Face is still cycling through being a little pink, to super dry, then back to a little pink.

2.26.13 Day 80: Today was Ethan and my 5 year anniversary! I honestly don't know if I would have made it this far into tsw without Ethan's support. Ethan told me I was beautiful every day when I was bright red and  my confidence was nowhere to be found. He slept far away from me when body heat hurt. He dried my tears during my many breakdowns. He let me turn on the heat when I was cold even though we live in Arizona. And he didn't act too grossed out when he found out that I had been wiping flakes of skin out of the bed every day after he left for work. I know you don't read my blog since you see the effects TSW are having on me every day but I love you!

*pictures to come (maybe tonight!?) 

Song of the week: "When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing, and the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe. When all I need is a hand to stop the tears from falling, I will find, I will find him next to me." - Emeli Sande, Next to Me